The Right Way and the "White Way"

My name, Zahraa, is an Arabic word. In English, it roughly translates to flower and beauty. It’s a common Muslim name, in part because the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)’s daughter was often referred to as Fatimah-Zahra. Although it may be well known in many parts of the world, in the US it is seen as unique. For many people, I am the only Zahraa they know. As such, a lot of folks have a hard time pronouncing my name and most people don’t end up saying it correctly. Overtime I have developed two ways of saying my name to accommodate those who struggle with saying it. I refer to them as the right way and the “white way”.

The “white way” of saying my name came about because throughout my childhood it’s what people around me called me. I call it the “white way” because it's a whitewashed version of my name. The “h” becomes virtually silent and it’s essentially said like “Zara”. I use this version not because I want to nor because I’ve embraced it in some way as a part of me. Instead, I use this pronunciation because other people decided it was easier for them, because the effort and awkwardness that comes with attempting to properly say an “ethnic” name is too much for some to handle. The “right way” of saying my name is only used by my family and other South Asian or Muslim people who understand how to pronounce it, because to these people, it’s not foreign. At a certain point, I gave up on saying my name the right way and started to just introduce myself using the “white way”. In doing so, though, it felt like I was losing a part of myself, like I was giving up my culture and heritage for the ease and comfort of other people.

I am learning now, slowly, to start saying my name the right way again. I love my name and it represents many important aspects of who I am. I don’t get many chances to say it, so I want to use those opportunities to say it right. I’m learning to correct people when they say it wrong rather than just letting them assume they are right, and it brings me joy to say it right and hear it said right.

Though, in saying my name the right way, I have run into another issue. The process of educating and correcting people isn’t exactly easy. It takes a lot of mental energy and correcting people is difficult and often awkward. There is a reason why I have stuck to the “white way” for so long. Many people do not care enough to properly pronounce my name and when someone does care, the process of explaining how to say my name is still awkward. When people say, “please correct me if I say your name wrong”, it’s a comforting statement, but it never makes me feel like I can. Sometimes, even with corrections, people will still say my name wrong, or somehow butcher it even more. I have accepted that some people will just never get my name right, but I know how to say my name right, so why shouldn’t I?

I have put a lot of thought into my name, how I say it, and how I want others to say it. My thoughts and feelings on the subject have changed a lot overtime and are constantly evolving, but what I know as of now is that I can and will say my name the right way. Saying it the “white way” is a bad habit that I have to work on and I still have to adjust to the awkwardness and confusion that arises when I pronounce my name properly, but for me that discomfort is worth it. When it comes to how I want others to say my name, I won’t go out of my way to teach people how to pronounce it, but I appreciate it when others make an effort to learn how to say my name. What I care more about is how I say it, because while I don't always have control over how others say my name, I will always have control over how I say it.