Murder, Public Speaking, & Mountains: The Three Scariest Things in the World

Over the course of my life I have had three main phobias. I have been scared of other things as well, but none of those other fears were as long lasting and as prominent as these. None of these phobias are linked to any trauma, so they truly are irrational fears. I have fully gotten over one of them, and partially over another, but the last one only recently developed and I’m not sure if I’ll get over it anytime soon. 

The first of my phobias is a fear of public speaking. People who know me now may find this puzzling, since I generally have no problem presenting or sharing my thoughts in class, but all throughout elementary and middle school I found it difficult to speak up. I was a quiet kid and had a hard time making friends, so whenever I had to speak in front of my classmates, it felt like I was speaking to a room full of strangers. Overtime, I have gotten over this fear, though, and the transition for me started in 8th grade. I don’t exactly remember why, but I somehow found the courage to speak up more. I was able to make friends and develop better relationships with my classmates, which in turn made it easier to speak in front of them. I was also able to improve my relationships with my teachers, so I saw them as less intimidating, making it easier to present to them. By now, I have gotten to a point where I can speak and present to people I barely know. I still get nervous of course, but I am able to speak up and use my voice. There are still some situations where I choose to remain quiet, because I’m too scared to speak up. So, I would not say that I’m totally over this phobia, but I have come a long way. While I may still get scared and intimidated, I no longer let that fear stop me. 

The second of my phobias is a bit more irrational and a lot more dark. In late elementary and early middle school, I developed a fear of being murdered. I know that may sound strange because who isn’t scared of being murdered, but I definitely thought about it way more than I needed to and in situations where it did not make sense. I remember countless nights where I would lie awake in bed, thinking of all the ways I would defend myself in case someone came into my room to kill me. As I got older, this fear slowly disappeared and my mentality around death changed as well. To get over my fear, I had to convince myself that while yes, it was a possibility that I would be murdered, most likely that would not be the way I died. I also started to just generally fear death less and less, which allowed me to live my life with less fear. I have no idea why I developed this phobia and I still think back to this period of my life and wonder what the heck was going on in my head. I’m just glad I’m no longer afraid of being murdered, at least not any more than the average person.

My third and currently main phobia is definitely a strange one. I would like to preface this by saying that I do not and have never had a fear of heights. I love rollercoasters and I have no issues being up high in a building or an airplane. What I am scared of is mountains. Or more specifically, I’m scared of falling down one. Over the summer, I went to visit the Smoky Mountains with my family and we stayed up in a very mountainous area. The drive there was when I first started to realize that something was off. As we drove up some very steep roads I found myself freaking out. I was convinced that one misstep would make the car slip and we would go tumbling down the side of the mountain that we had just driven up. When we got out of the car and I looked down over the side of the road, I was filled with a feeling of dread. It wasn’t even necessarily that steep or high up, but just the thought of slipping and then tumbling down the side of the mountain had me panicking. For the rest of the trip I found myself to be extremely paranoid and concerned about falling. We walked along a couple different trails, and although I was enjoying the scenery, I was also highly stressed out about being on an elevated plane. A feeling of panic would wash over me whenever I looked over the side of the mountain. Oddly enough, I distinctly remember driving up a much more steep and dangerous mountain in the past when I went to Pakistan, and on this occasion I felt no fear. In fact, I actually enjoyed the ride. So it baffles me that I somehow developed this new fear when I have lived through much worse. 

I'm unsure of how I will overcome my fear of mountains. My other phobias have mostly just disappeared on their own, and it's hard to actively combat fears. While exposure did help me with my fear of public speaking, it definitely would not have helped me with my fear of murder, so I’m not sure if being around mountains will help me be less scared of them. I also don’t think that this fear of mine is worth trying to overcome. I don’t often find myself around mountains, so this phobia has no major impact on my life. Instead of trying to overcome my fear, I guess I’ll just leave it up to fate to decide whether or not my fear of mountains should remain.